He is Ravished by my heart...

Ok, I'm gonna get pretty real with you guys right now....ready:

So I have been really struggling with our study of Song of Solomon. I guess all the girls swoon over that book cause it's so romantic and Jesus is so sweet and all this stuff. But honestly I came to my leaders saying, I don't get this. This is a weird book of the bible, that is I mean let's be honest, kinda nasty, and it's between Solomon and his wife, period. What do you mean it's between Jesus and The Bride (the church). I had about 5 leaders try to explain it to me, because my brain just couldn't comprehend that Jesus could be that In love with me, so it must be in the bible to show what a Godly marriage should look like. So after many days of blank stares and punching God in the face with the annoyance of my misunderstanding, I came to the conclusion that basically, I didn't get it cause I have never seen a Godly relationship played out in my life, so therefore I just can't seem to understand this funky book of the bible, and I was gonna have to  get some revelation from God cause no one was gonna be able to explain it to me. First, I just want to encourage anyone who just doesn't understand something of the bible, ask God till you get it. He WILL explain. He WILL help you understand. So lets back track a little bit....

Just because I didn't understand how Song of Solomon related to Jesus and me doesn't mean that I didn't understand that He was the Lover of my soul. One night in the prayer room, about 2 weeks before we even started to study the Song of Solomon I had a ridiculous gushy moment with Jesus. We were talking about my husband. Of course I have no clue who he is, but I talk to Jesus about him a lot. (Lame and cheesy I know, but love me or don't) And I was telling Jesus, I'm scared to be married because I don't want any man to take away any love I have for You. And Jesus being the cutie that He is, explained to me how that wouldn't happen. Then my heart became more overwhelmed by how amazing my Jesus is, and how He is the best thing in my life, and I told Him He was my Always and Forever. I wrote it in my Journal : " Jesus, I don't want to be in this place, where I get caught up in just doing things. I want to LOVE You. I want everything I do to come out of a heart that loves You. Jesus, You are my Always and Forever." And then I cried a little bit, ya know did the whole girl thing cause Jesus is such a schmoozer and everything. Flash forward 2 weeks: The Song of Solomon confusion that I previously wrote about starts up. Flash Forward to last night:

Another night in the Prayer Room, and I was still wrestling with understanding how He could love me like that. I knew that He was MY Always and Forever, but I couldn't fathom that I was His. I cried out that He would somehow show me. This was not something ANYONE could explain to me with Words, I was going to have to feel it, straight from the source. Then the worship team switched gears and went from intercession to a worship song. I wasn't really paying attention, cause I was still in prayer mode, but something started to stir up in me. I started to feel so loved, so cherished and I felt like I was starting to get it. Then I realized what the song was that the worship leader was singing. Always Forever by Phil Wickham. Seriously Jesus!? You can imagine what happened after that, a never ending flood of tears. I actually said it out loud, I get it. I get the Song of Solomon. Jesus was being cheesy right back, but He couldn't have done anything else more perfect to my heart. He, at that moment told me that I was also His Always and Forever. Mind you, I have never heard a Phil Wickham song sung at IHOP before. So, umm there's no way that one is a coincidence. AHHH! My heart has never felt so full!!!!!!!! Thank you Papa, for your Glorious Love.

God I pray for everyone who reads this blog, that You would grant them, according to the riches of Your glory, to be strengthened with might through Your spirit in the inner man, that You Jesus may dwell in their hearts through faith. That they would be rooted in Love, and that they may be able to comprehend with all the saints, the width, and length, and depth and height - To know Your Love Jesus, that surpasses all knowledge; that they may BE FILLED with all the fullness of God. -Eph 3:16-19

We Love You Jesus. Amen.

The Prodigal Son's Brother...

One of my biggest insecurities in life is feeling unnoticed, or invisible; and that doesn't come without reason. I used to get marked absent in class when I was there, MULTIPLE times, not just once. People bump into me when they walk, like not just a little nudge but like flat faced into me, as if they didn't even know I was there. And a month in, someone from the internship shook my hand asking me if I just got here.There are a bunch of other examples, but I think you get it. Now, I'm fighting this lie, but the enemy is really hanging on to it, making me feel like that lie is truth because of all the actual physical aspects happening. At this point in my life, I don't really care too much if people notice my existence, I mean of course I do to an extent, who doesn't? But really, all I want is to know that God sees me, that he notices me, and among the 6 billion people on this earth, He cares that I'm alive. Being here a month, I have gotten to hear a bunch of testimonies and see the Lord really encounter people. I see prodigal sons and daughters all over my internship, who never knew God and loved the world, then fell into His arms, or knew him, ran from him and then came running back to His kingdom. Either way, I noticed that the prodigals are really encountering God. Like God is literally pouring His presence onto them. He is definitely pouring out His spirit on me, and I have had a few rad encounters, but I look at those people, and honestly, I get a little jealous. I long for His constant presence, His touch, to feel His love all the time. I'm hungry for Jesus Christ, and more often than not I feel nothing. Which doesn't mean He's doing nothing, I just love feeling Him next to me. Anyways, I realize that I am the prodigal son's brother. I never fell away from God. I became a Christian when I was 5 and Loved Jesus ever since. I never fell into worldly activities, and had to crawl back to the Lord. Of course I'm not perfect, please hear my heart, I just don't identify with those who fell into loving the world and into the sweet embrace of the Father. So for a few nights in a row, I was feeling pretty guilty for feeling that way. And I cried out to the Lord. I told Him that I've always loved Him, and I've never left Him, why do the one's who left, messed around and then finally came back seem to get more of You? (yeah it's stupid thinking I know, but I'm just being raw and honest about my heart.) I kept crying that out to Him. Night after night. Till last night I started reading this book, called Pure Heart. I came to yet another story of the Prodigal son. I almost passed it up cause I read it so many times, but I came to this passage right as I was about to skip the chapter...."The older brother is the last character of the story. He is so blinded by his own good works  and faithfulness that he cannot see that not only is he a son, but that he has a full inheritance waiting for him. He looks on in contempt at the celebration his father throws for his long lost brother, not realizing that though the prodigal received this one fattened calf, the entire herd was his." The Lord broke through my heart, and really spoke to me. First, I was being a tool, but mostly, I need to realize that He's never forgotten me, or gotten used to my praises. He enjoys me so much, and really does delight in me, I just needed to get passed my woes me to realize the entire herd was for me :)

Please READ! The Lord Is SO Good and He DOES hear our prayers!!!

So something amazing happened on sunday night. Around 4:30 Missouri time, the spirit of intercession fell on every person in the prayer room for Human Sex Trafficking. The whole room was groaning and crying out to the Lord. My spirit was literally crying out for the Living God to break out and do something for the people He loves. I was on my face rocking back and forth convulsing, with bigger tears than I have ever experienced before, and I was not the only one. We cried out for 1 1/2 hours, for the victims to be rescued and the traffickers to be saved. Well 3 1/2 hours later at 10am a story came out from CNN reporting that more than 1000 sex traffickers were arrested and over 20 trafficked minors were rescued in Juarez, Mexico. Here is the link to the story.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/americas/07/25/mexico.human.trafficking/index.html?iref=allsearch

Jesus loves these people. He loves his imprisoned children and He loves the ones trafficking. Pray for those arrested. Father In Jesus Name,  I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength. (Ephesians 1:17-19) Father show those men and women Your power and your love. I pray as they sit in prison that You would show them your face.


Thank You Papa for answering the cries of Your children. You are such a good Daddy.

Relational Idolatry

Relational Idolatry

This is something I heard, that honestly I never really thought of before...so take it with a grain of salt.

When you see someone that you OVERLY admire, you tend to find traits in that person that you wish you had. Therefore, you are going to latch on to them because you may think that you are inadequate in an area that they are strong in. Eventually, you will rely on this person for your identity. This goes easily unnoticed. Eventually your worth is only established if this person likes you or shows affections to you. The minute that sways your identity is lost and you don't emotionally know how to function. This is called relational Idolatry.
-You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on earth or in the waters below. (exodus 20:4)

We must not secretly Wish we were someone else, as if God made a mistake. This is to charge God with Error. As we get our eyes off others (envy) and off of our failures (despising ourselves) and put our eyes on Jesus and His grace, then we will love who God made us to be. :) I know not everyone struggles with this, but Identity is so important to the Lord. He wants us to be rooted only in Him, He doesn't make mistakes. You are fearfully and wonderfully made :) He really does like you.

A Beautiful Encounter!

Tonight the Lord wrecked me. I have been undone by Him the Last 2 days. I long to see His face. To gaze upon His beauty. He is the most beautiful think possibly imaginable. His beauty is unfathomable. I have just been fervently praying to see Him. David put my heart into perfect words...It seems as though He had the same encounter:
Oh God You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen You in the Sanctuary and Beheld Your power and Your glory. Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You. I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods, with singing lips, my mouth will praise You. On my bed I remember You; I think of You through the watches of the night. Because You are my help I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You, Your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:1-9.
Tonight during worship I had a beautiful encounter with Jesus. I was crying the entire service, didn't listen to the message, didn't participate in ministry, the Lord was doing a different work in me. Tears flowed down my cheeks at just the thought of my King. I sang for a good 30 minutes, I love You, I love You, I love You. Over and Over and Over again. The words were barely able to leave my mouth because at this point I was sobbing. The next moment the Lord told me to hold out my hands (they were in my pockets) He said, Hold out your hands, I have something to give you. So I held out my hands, palms flat, fingers stretched out. I saw the Lord in front of me, and He put His hands in my hands. I looked down at my hands and my fingers had closed in, as one's hands do when someone holds their hand. I didn't even know my fingers did that. I didn't move them myself. King Jesus was holding my Hands. Then I sobbed for the next 4 hours. Actually....I've been crying typing this blog. Ask Jesus to be next to you. Desire Him. Seek Him. Love Him. His presence is the best gift ever given. Thank You Abba. Thank You for Your gift tonight. I want nothing more than to dwell in Your courts gazing on the beautiful face of my King of Kings. I love You, I love You, I love You.

He is Worthy

7/9
Jesus, I need you right now. I feel inadequate. I look around and see everyone moved. I have been moved. I was more than moved yesterday, but today I'm not. Why? How could such a magnificent amazing God not move me. I feel like something is wrong with me when I'm not moved. I didn't feel like worshiping even though the prayer set was interceding for what my heart burns for- Revival in America. I pray that you break me of a lazy spirit. You are worth my effort. Please give me breakthrough tonight as I labor in the prayer room. Give me the passion to make it till 6am. Give me the grace to fight today Lord.

Even through all of this, the Lord is really teaching me that sometimes I won't feel it. Sometimes I'm too tired, or too lazy or honestly just don't feel like doing Jesus stuff, but something that He is really teaching me is that all those things don't matter. You aren't always going to feel like you're on the mountain top. You're not always going to feel like He is sitting right next to you. You aren't always going to be dancing or shouting or crying. Sometimes you feel nothing. But you press in, because He is the King of Kings and He is worthy. You do it anyways, because He deserves everything. We cant do anything apart from Him. Right now I feel like I don't have anything. No strength, no overwhelming mercy. Just Him.  And He is enough.

7/10
The Lord is really teaching me what consecration is. To be Wholly and Holy set apart for Him. All throughout the bible we see examples of amazing people who chose not to eat choice foods, or vowed not to drink wine...What is defiling your temple, keeping it from truly being consecrated to the Lord. Is it thoughts? Actions? Video Games? Actually certain foods or drugs or alcohol? Ask the Holy spirit what it is. He is worthy of our effort. He is worth our sacrifice. He is worthy of all of us.

First 3 Days

7/8
It's funny being out here. I'm being stripped of my sleep, my wonderful friends, and the place I knew as my home for the last 25 years. The one thing that is constant is HIM. He is the same God here in Kansas City that he is in Orange County. Every time the intercessor gets on the mic and contends for a revival in Kansas city, I just intercede with them on behalf of Orange County. I know a wave is going to hit our home. But revival doesn't happen with one person if we don't want it to burn out. So Father I pray that you touch every heart in Orange county with a measure of your Love. That they cannot stand still, that nothing else satisfies and that every heart is overwhelmed and fascinated with your majesty. Wake up Orange County Lord.

Another thing, sitting in the prayer room pray-singing certain phrases over and over, you actually get to thinking about the words. Do we really believe that His blood is enough? I know that our first answer would be yes. But really think about your life. What if we lived as though we truly believed that Jesus' blood was enough? Do we pray and sing just to sound pretty? Or do our prayers come from the groanings of God's heart leaping out of our souls? The Lord is really teaching me how to be intentional.

It takes YOU to love You Lord, So increase revelation. To You is all my affection.
There's Power in Your blood, and authority that is released When we declare Your Holy name. Amen.